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I’m not sure what Michelle was really expecting when it came to the intended parents. Who did she picture? A young couple struggling to conceive a child for years and finally taking another route? Perhaps an older couple who had beat back a challenge such as cancer but were left infertile.

They could have white, black, asian, latino or a mix thereof. I know that didn’t matter to Michelle. Perhaps they would be local. Or someone from another state where surrogacy laws are more restrictive.

I’m guessing she didn’t forsee a couple like M and B. And once she did, things only got better.  Here’s Michelle:

It interesting now to recall my first reaction to finding out that the couple wasnt a man and wife, but a wife and wife:

It was a possibility I had been made aware of from the Melissa Brissman Agency early in the process. So I had known may happen and my head was understanding of the possibility. But in my heart I hoped it would not happen.

Why? It’s not a simple explanation. It was nothing against a same sex couple — not in the least. It was more about what I could do. Think of it this way: A same sex couple doesn’t enter into their relationship with the expectaion or even the hope of creating their own children. Of course they can adapt and have the same opportunities of a family unit, but it is not a pure biological connection.

But a man and wife…at least many of them…become joined with the expectation of creating a family together, their own flesh and blood extended.

I imagined myself working with a man and wife who had experienced years of frustration and sadness, trying so hard to conceive. And being in the position of preserving their chance for children of their own.

I suppose I was being naive thinking that this was the most usual call for surrogates, especially in this day and age. 

And then, very soon after I had been accepted into this program I got a call from the Brissman agency informing me that they found a couple for me. I was stunned, because this had happened so soon.  I guess I thought that this process would take months not days.

The agency was so insistant that this couple was most deserving because they had worked with them not once but twice before and knew them very well.

And then of course they told me about B and M. I had to go forward and read the two page letter of introduction…..

This couple has a beautiful family, were hard working professionals who deserved this last chance to be parents once again.

Right then and there I thought: Who was I to be placing my own judgement on the why’s and the what-for’s upon their decision. And more importantly, who was I to judge who should and shouldn’t have the chance to have another child. 

So the agency asked: Did I want to go forward with a phone interview with B and M?

Yes, of course…..if only to see how we would hit it off. And to keep an open mind.

We did and slowly moved forward. We exchanged emails, letters and phone calls. Openly talking through everything that we would go through together as a team. We just took this day by day, very slowly, crossing every t and dotting every i. Just to be sure.

Well now… I couldn’t imagine doing this for anyone else but B and M. And not just because of the two lovely people they are.

No, it has everything to do with feeling pressure. After learning — and experiencing so much — I didn’t realize the kind of expectations that would be placed on me. Imagine if I was carrying the only two embryos that could be produced by this desperate couple that I described above. What if, God forbids, something goes wrong? I would be absolutely devastated and feel so responsible.

Now it’s not to mean I don’t feel responsibility for carrying B and M’s baby(s). But as I’ve learned, they’ve already experienced the joy of having children themselves. If the worst happens and something happens with this pregnancy, of course we would all be sad. But I wouldn’t feel as if I’ve ruined their hopes and dreams for children.