51TL157e8KL__BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA240_SH20_OU01_Pregnant Mom’s have their guidebooks., probably 100s of them. There are lots of books for Dads who are expecting too. I’m sure there are plenty of books for brothers- and sisters-to-be, new grandparents.

I’ll bet that my dog could even wander down to Borders and find a book for pets, explaining the impending miracle of birth, (and the tiny addition to the household that will soon be pulling your ear, tail, and other body parts.)

But there’s never been a resource for the star of the show — the fetus. That is, until now!

Because David Javerbaum, a writer from Comedy Central’s Cobert Report among other efforts, has produced the ultimate guide for the unborn. His book — What to Expect When You’re Expected — is called the first ever guide to pregnancy for the prenatal reader — written by a former embryo!

Before I go any further — and risk a copyright infringement letter from Comedy Central or Javerbaum — a short commercial message: You can purchase this masterpiece right here: BUY NOW.

Javerbaum has compiled what he calls, “A Fetus’s Guide to the First Three Trimesters,” and who am I to argue? Here’s a partial listing of the chapters:

Chapter 2 — Throughout Your Fetalcy
Chapter 5 — MONTH 3: Vaguely Human
Chapter 8 — MONTH 6: Threshold of Unabortability
Chapter 12 — Labor and Delivery: Mom at her pushiest.

You get the idea. I think you’ll gain unique insight with learning the answers to some of the questions that are posed such as:

“My Mother just took a sip of white wine. Am I going to end up looking like some Chernobyl baby now?”

“So far Mommy is spending most of her pregnancy in a sate of stress, anxiety and depression. Which one should she focus on?”

“Why do my parents blast Mozart at me every night when I’m trying to sleep?”

“To the nearest hundred, how many people should Mommy invite to my birth?”

As we continue down this journey, we’ll reference this book and provide bonus coverage on what Michelle’s fetus might be thinking or feeling.

At least so far as I don’t receive a cease and desist letter.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]