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There’s nothing quite like the sight of a needle — on a daily basis no less — to bring out honest and clarity.

From the mind of the Blog Hereone:

This past week I have been having more than a few second thoughts. Right about now I’m in need of some positive encouragement to keep me focused on what I need to do..

I’ve been scanning the internet, looking for others who are going through the same process has anything good to say. Something I can use as encouragement. So I start reading another would-be surrogate’s story about her entire journey, all drugs, what she’s feeling and more. 

And great — Now I feel even more scared than before.

What if this doesn’t work out? What if my body isn’t responding to this cocktail of drugs I’m jamming into myself? What all this work was for nothing?

This is what I lie awake thinking about as we get farther down the line. I dont want to go there. In fact, I’m a very positive person and these kinds of feelings of doubts really aren’t me. Maybe it’s the drugs surging me through. Lately I’ve been blaming a lot of stuff on the drugs!

But these are more than just nervous thoughts going through my head. It’s still very much a possability that despite all the tests, doctor’s opinions….everything… it could happen. I could still fail on this very special mission.

Worry, worry, worry. I worry about who’s going to give me my shots when they become daily. That happens in the very near future, maybe even sometime this week. I know I can’t give them to myself. We’re talking big needles.

My husband becomes weak in the knees at the mere thought of having the drugs in the house. (EDITOR — WHAT THE HELL!?!?!)

So I leave this task up to my new friend, a nurse I met while accompanying Emma on a choir trip to England, and the occassional drive by injection by another nurse in my primary Doctor’s office.

But what if neither one are availablbe? My options are pretty limited. I started thinking, ‘What about our vet, who is j ust down the street’? Or maybe posting a Craigslist ad, reading something like: “Good with needles?  Searching for someone to stick me on a daily basis…..”

Betcha I would get plenty of responses. But somehow I dont think that I would find what I was looking for.

To help me deal with all these swirling doubts and second thoughts, I finally thought abot going to the source. She’s partly the reason why we’re even here. Plus she’s actually been through this process three time herself. Not as a surrogate but to bear her own children. I’m talking about my intended parent.

I called her last night and I’m so glad I did. All is right again with the world and I have a renewed sense of why I am doing this, and for whom.

I can do this! I will make this happen.

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