What A Difference A Fetus Makes

Or does it?

Now that we’re almost 1/3 of the way down the road, how have our lives changed? 

Well, for one thing I’ve allowed Michelle to cut down her sewing workroom hours from 10 hours a day all the way down to 9.

And because she’s a little fatigued these days, I’m OK if she doesn’t jump out of bed at 5 a.m. to have my coffee made, breakfast on the griddle, fire roaring in the fireplace and my shirts ironed before I wake up. 5:45 is fine.

In all seriousness, you’d think that being 3 months pregnant might make for a lot of changes. Especially if it’s been 10+ years since her last pregnancy. And…how do I put this delicately… if she’s closer to her 30 year high school reunion than her 10 year. 

If that’s the case, you don’t know my wife. Because the real answer is: it’s pretty much business as usual. And that doesn’t surprise me one bit. 

Because you see I’m fairly confident that in a past life Michelle was one of those hardy pioneer women. She’d be traversing the Oregon trail in 1848, carrying one child on her back, another in front, leading the team of oxen pulling the wagon, all the while wearing that heavy woolen garb that was the fashion of the day. Oh, and singing a country song out loud.

Beneath the sweet, friendly, empathetic persona she shows to the world, there’s a thin veneer of steel that is a part of her heart and soul. She’s one tough lady — mentally and physically. That’s meant as a compliment and  she knows it’s one of the many qualities I admire about her.

This strength carries over into the way shes goes about her life. She’s always prided herself on staying busy — sometimes insane multitasking busy — juggling the needs of the kids, home, her thriving business and me. You think that a growing little baby bump is going to slow her down?   

It didn’t happen during pregnancy No. 1 or No. 2. In fact she was still doing rigorous step aerobics classes until about her 8th month the last time around. Never had morning sickness, swelling or any medical issues that sometimes mar a pregnancy. It’s probably the main reason she was likely accepted so easily into the Surrogacy program — they recognized good hardy pioneer stalk when they found her!

But she isn’t Superwoman, so I have noticed a few changes.

She is pretty fatigued — a lot now. Around the time we finish dinner….she’s about finished herself.  As I work on my GuestWomb entries late into the night, she’s working on her full ten hours a night of rest.

Her appetite and eating routine is all over the place. It’s not so much a question of weird cravings that are the ’ol pregnancy cliché. She describes it as walking a tightrope, veering between intense hunger…followed by nausea.

And lots of heartburn. Almost everyday. For that reason she thinks she’s carrying a boy. More on that with her next entry.

You know, she IS hard at work, providing the miracle of life that only few in this world have ever — or would ever — sign on for. Even while she’s sleeping her body is nourishing and growing a new soul.

Maybe I’ll let her scale back to just 8 hours of work a day. And heck — she can take the weekends off too. That’ll be like my early Christmas present to her! 

 

What’s New? A Little and A Lot.

Game on.

And now that Michelle is official ‘with child’, what’s different in our lives? Not much in some ways. In others…a whole lot.

Michelle has turned into ‘Ms. Health Zealot’ as I expected. No more Diet Pepsi or anything with artificial sweetners.

No more coffee. Of course no alcohol or anything harmful. I really doubt that B and M realize the kind of determined and dutybound woman they’ve chosen to carry their little one! This is going to be one healthy kid.

Now I’m not saying Michelle is taking better care of herself now then when she had Emma and Sara. But somewhere in her pregnant past, she forget to eat the kinds of foods/nutrients/vitamins that would prevent teenage sass.  

But because nobody really knows our little secret — or at least not many — we go through life pretty much the same as we have been. Course that’s going to change in a couple of days when I announce the existence of this blog. And even more so when the baby bump starts blossoming out.

For now Michelle and I just share a knowing smile every once in awhile, amused by the happy little secret we’re harboring.

And then there are differences from the other times Michelle was pregnant. We aren’t putting together a nursery, shopping for baby clothes, picking out prospective names. (Well, except here in the blog. : ) No budgeting for diapers.

And yet we are both aware of this life-on-the-way. Well, of course M is. But I am too. It’s not in a possessive sense…and in this baby is ours. Of course it’s not. It’s more in a….protective sense. We’ve been charged with the responsibility of delivering a healthy, happy little one to the loving arms of B and M.

And yeah, I feel the responsibility too. It’s not a burden; it’s a duty that Michelle has been chosen to perform. My part in this? I’m called to support her in every way I can.

While this is about the last thing I ever expected to be involved in,  ultimately it doesn’t surprise me that we’re here. Both us are wired in a way that embraces responsibility in everything we do. This is no different.

 

Waiting is Over-Rated

So now all we can do is wait. We cross fingers, say a prayer, think positive thoughts….and hope these microscopic cluster of cells decide that they like the neighborhood they’ve been planted in. Decide to put down roots. Stay awhile.

It just takes 10 days for a blood screening to show whether or not the procedure has been successful. So all we can do is follow the doctor’s instructions, be patient, and wait. 

Or, not. Here’s Michelle: 

I’ve never been a patient person. It’s just not me. So I couldn’t wait. As soon as I could, I bought an over the counter pregnancy test and used it just about 6 days after the transfer.

I wasn’t sure about the results. I saw a faint blue line next to the control blue line. That second line means you’re pregnant. So I think that’s a pretty good sign. Maybe it’s just too early. So I should just wait for the official blood test in a few days.

But no, I just couldn’t do that.

Two days later I bought another test. This time that second blue line was little darker now. But still I wasn’t sure.

But was I content to just confirm it with the blood test. Of course not! So I just tested again with a differant brand of test and this time it came up positive (pink line)

One more time the next morning….just to be sure and again there’s taht second line. There was no doubt.

It’s on!

I called the IP’s and they are so happy…..probably a little surprised to get the news so soon! But so very happy.  They have a lot going on right now….they just bought a new house and have to settle all the matters of selling, buying, moving, school starting for thier other children and now this….a new baby ( or two)

I went through the motions of the blood test of course. The doctor called me same day of the blood test and gave me the official news….confirmation, your pregnant.  Ha. Tell me something I didn’t know..

Now we just have to make sure that the Hcg numbers keep going up which will mean a very strong pregnancy and then all is good to go.

I dont feel any differant at this moment.

I do feel more relaxed than any other pregnancy that I have had before…maybe because I dont have to worry about designing a nursery, preschool, sleepless nights, colic, diaper changing, teething and everything else that goes on that I just cant remember at the moment.

I have the fun part. (well, until the 9 months is up)

 

Q&A with E&S, Part 2

8:24pmSarah — how do you feel about the procedure today

8:24pmEmma — okay. I would have to say that I feel much more weirded out than I have felt in the past about this whole thing

8:25pmSarah — why?

8:27pmEmma — I think it’s because I view it, since its someone else’s egg, like she was impregnated by aliens or something out of a really freaky sci-fi movie/book. Just the thought of it sort of creeps me out. It’s like there’s something completely foreign in my mother’s body.

8:27pm Sarah —  i feel the same way i was just concerned that she was nervous, im afraid that she wants to back out now. too late now….

8:31pmEmma  — same. I have no idea what I would be feeling in her position. Scared maybe? Well, being me, and not our brave mom, I would be focusing on the negative aspects like the complications and things that could go wrong.

8:31pmSarah — exactly

8:34pmSarah  – I’m still shocked that she went through with this

8:35pmEmma  – Same. I totally thought she wouldn’t have gone through with it. Like I thought that after thinking it through, she would have backed out.

8:40pmEmma  — I think our lives are going to be pretty different if mom does become pregnant and the transfer takes.

8:41pmSarah  — yes yes it will

8:42pmEmma  — How so, do you think?

8:43pmSarah —  its going to be realy awkward to see mom pregnant, especailly when its not ours.

8:57pmEmma It definitely will be.

 

The Package Is Delivered — Her View

Image via Wikipedia

And here’s Michelle’s perspective:

Just a few thoughts for those of you who may consider going through an embryo trasnfer. Either for yourself…or for someone else like I’m doing:

My whole procedure was a breeze.  The nurses make you feel very comfortable and I didnt feel icky about anything.  After all, this was a possible conception, a modern miracle in the making….a product of todays incredible technology.

It really was that simple. Quick. I followed doctor’s orders to the letter. I did stay off of my feet for the rest of the day as hard as it was, because there is always something that I could be doing……Its very hard for me to stay still.

In ten days ( or earlier) we will know for sure if the transfer took and how many since 2 eggs were placed.  This is the last chance for my IP’s to have another child…..These were the last of their fertilized eggs. 

I do feel pressure for this to work out for them, but also that nature has something to say about what works and what doesnt.

They say that the hardest thing now is the waiting…….and it is.

Hopefully my next entry has good news.

 

The Package Is Delivered

Today I spent a lot of time thinking about the first Indiana Jones movie. Remember the climatic scene, where Harrison Ford and Karen Allen are tied to a stake, back to back, while the Nazi bad guys are opening the Ark of the Covenant?

“Marion, don’t look at it,” warns Indy. All the evil guys are enjoying the amazing view of the sprites and angels floating around…

Suddenly the spirits change into demons, and lightning bolts shoot right into their eyes, and out their skulls in wonderful Spielburgian fashion. Even in these modern CGI days where filmmakers can create absolute miracles on screen — like making Keanu Reeves seem like he’s actually an actor — the melting face thing still looks pretty cool.

Which brings me to today’s big event. Michelle and I went to the IVF Clinic today, where she was successfully implanted with two tiny microscopic embryos.

And I got to watch the whole thing. OK, not the whole thing.

In fact, I was just holding her hand and watching the doctors/nurses/plumbers/oceanograhers work on the…err…..business end.

And while there were no lightning bolts shooting into my eyes, no face melting or screams (OK, I wanted to scream a couple of times but didn’t) it has to be about the most unforgetable 20 minutes of my life. And frankly I didn’t expect to be there.

I had asked Michelle who she would like to have accompany her into the operating room, and she thought M and B would want to be with her through the procedure. Per the rules of the clinic, only two people were allowed in to witness the transfer. As I think about it now: I’m sure she was protecting her ultra squeamish husband; I’m not sure exactly who she wanted holding her hand. But I wasn’t exactly stepping forward on my own.

No, it took the prodding of B and M to make that happen. They just ‘assumed’ I would want to be there, saying how wonderful I am to be so supportive, how lucky Michelle is…… Argh. I was trapped. If I said ‘no thanks’ at that point, I’d look like a schmuck….

And before you know it, I was gowned up in a yellow cloud of cotton with a mask, hair net — even foot covers — walking into the darkened operating theater.

And there was Michelle, lying back in the…uh…action…position. I’m not going to go into much detail here. (Hey guys, check out this home movie I made of the whole thing! Get your popcorn!)

Suffice to say that the team of doctors and nurses swarming over Michelle were efficient and professional. This clinic has been in business for over 25 years and they obviously know their business. Michelle was made comfortable, kept informed of everything that was happening and came through this short (20 minute) procedure with flying colors.

Of course the huge valium pill she took 15 minutes before arriving at the Clinic didn’t hurt either.

They ‘defrosted’ a total of four embryos. (God as I type that word, defrosted: It’s like they’re thawing out some ground round for tonight’s meat loaf). It turns out the two had somewhat disintegrated in the thawing process. Leaving two very healthy mini-mini-mini people. I saw a picture of them snapped under an electromicroscope and it was heart stopping. (More on that in a later post.)

 So potential person no. 1 and potential soul no. 2 were placed in their new, temporary home. And just like that: our journey is officially started.

This is obviously a day I’ll remember for the rest of my life. But I recall thinking as I was driving the car closer to the door to pick up Michelle….it was just so simple. Almost routine.

For God’s sake, two potential lives were just given a jump start. You would expect some kind of miraculous flash of light…marching bands… something more than it was.

And yet it seemed to be no big deal, a routine out-patient procedure like fixing a hernia or a nose job. 

Driving home from the Clinic, we stopped for a leisurely late lunch at a Mexican joint. Michelle was about to order her usual lager to go along with her tacos…..and then realized very quickly: Life had changed.

Or so we think. Now we await a blood test in about 10 days to confirm that she’s pregnant.

The success rate is pretty high for this clinic.

 

Twas The Night Before….

Michelle shares some thoughts on the eve of the transfer:

“The night before the transfer, I called the IP’s.  They are so looking forward to tomorrow.  Of course everyone hopes that all will go well and that the embryos are viable and healthy.  So much goes into this day, much of which I know nothing about.  I’ve chosen not to think about it too much before now. I too am excited but now I’m thinking ahead. My mind is racing thinking about all the details of the day.

I am very private about my body and just the thought of being naked makes me ill.

But I have to get past that tomorrow. I’ll focus on something else. Something bigger. As far as I am concerned, this is the real gift, my overcoming my intense need to be private.

I hear the that the whole procedure is less than 10 minutes, and then you have to be off of your feet for the rest of the day……not a horrible thought.

In the morning, I will just shower, dress and just think about the great lunch my husband and I will have after…..

 

Yeah, I Don’t Think They’ll Call.

“Leaving at 3:30 today to meet the cable guy”

“Coming in at 10 am; gotta take my puking dog to the vet.”

It’s simple business courtesy: If someone’s going to be late or has an appointment, we let our co-workers or bosses know. A quick email notice sent around the department, accompanied with a short reason.

Nothing special. Routine stuff.

So next Tuesday morning, the big day when I drive Michelle to the Fertility Clinic in New Jersey, I can just imagine the one I’ll send:

“Taking Tuesday off so I can take my wife to be implanted with an embryo created by complete strangers’ egg and sperm. Hit me up on my cell if you need me.”

 

Meet The Parents

There are two more people I need to introduce before we go much farther. That’s the IPs — Intended Parents. They’re the reason we’ve arrived at this place and time: early September, just days away from Michelle begin her contractual duties of hosting a new life.

I’d like to tell you their names, where they live, what they do, all about their families, and much more. But I can’t — at least not yet. Because in the contract we’ve signed, there’s a specific clause the prohibits us from divulging this information. We can tell our families, friends, etc. But not to the press, and I’m taking that to include a public blog. It’s a standard term in these contracts, and we’ll abide by it if needed.

But I hope that won’t have to be the case. As soon as Michelle is confirmed as pregnant — in a few weeks if all goes well –  I’m going to ask their permission to use their identities, their names…all of it. Because their story adds a whole other dimension to this still evolving tale.

It was pretty early in the process that we were tenatively matched with this couple. Things progressed quickly after Michelle made first contact with the surrogacy attorney. They had her fill out reams of paperwork, and then interviewed her over the phone. Obviously she passed through the first few rounds of the application process because it was within the first three weeks that the agency called Michelle back. They told her they had found a couple who might be right for her.

Their names were B— and M——-. I can’t list them exactly of course. But to clue you in on why this journey took such a sudden turn to the left, I’ll give them some code names. Let’s now refer to them as:

Beyonce. and Madonna. 

That’s right, two women. A gay couple. The L word.

But most importantly: Two Mommies-to-be.

In the words of the now departed Paul Harvey:

And you know…..the rest of the story….

Which is yet another reason why this is the story that just had to be told!

 

In Her Own Words

Before we go any further: It’s time to introduce the cast of characters in this production. And really what characters they are.

Ok, WE are. Because I’m in this rogue’s gallery too.

So let’s start at the top, with the person who has brought us all together in this place and time.

I call her the Blog Heroine. She is variously known as wife, mom, corresponding sister to her far flung brothers and sisters, and of course the Fabric Goddess of Bucks County — that’s her side business.

And that’s the first thing you would notice about her. She takes on many roles in this life. And does an amazing job in mastering them all. You’ll learn much much more about her as this blog goes on but this is the time and place to place some words that might not otherwise be said here.

Suffice to say that she’s my one and only. Married for 17+ years, we’ve had more than the usual number of ups and downs in our lives together. And a few twists and turns thrown in. But we’ve always hung fast to this roller coaster and that’s probably the thing I most admire about her. Her steely determination to make things work.

I’ve had the fortune to have met/worked with/learned about very driven people. Count Michelle in this group. She has an absolute fierce desire to succeed, not just survive. Not in an ‘at any cost, cut throat way’ you might associate with that phrase. But more in terms of doing things the right way. Hard work. Consistent effort.

And then there’s that stubborn streak. Like a dog sinking his teeth into a bone and never, ever letting go. In a good way, if that’s possible. Never being satisfied until something is done to her liking. Her standards. This quality is one of the reasons we’re here today, me writing and you reading.

Her IPs — uh, that’s Intended Parents in Surrogacy lingo, the folks who are wanting/getting the kid — really have no idea just yet how lucky they were to find Michelle as a partner. They will. Very soon I’m sure. In fact I’m sure they already have an inkling.

So here’s what was going through Michelle’s head when that fateful Sunday morning broadcast played…..

I remember around the time I was thinking a lot about getting old. The years seem to be going by so quickly, and I have had a problem accepting that notion, the notion of being old, getting older. I just can’t see myself in that way. I still feel so young, even if my face is showing the world my true age.

I have often thought that by having another child would help me cling to my youth just a little longer. Not a good enough reason to get pregnant of course but it had crossed my mind. I had experienced great pregnancies and all the memories came flooding back whenever I toy with the idea of getting pregnant again.

Plus I loved being a stay at home mom. I could never accept a latch key kid kind of thing.

But now I’m onto new things. I’m working from home full time and building a very promising business, so having another child is not in the cards for me. And I know it wasn’t in Steven’s mind either.

So it made me sad to think that chapter in my life was over. I was thinking at that moment how old I suddenly felt and how that whole time in my life seemed over.

Then I saw the Sunday Morning program and my whole attitude changed. I thought of only one thing: I can have it all.

This is an opportunity to go through pregnancy again without the long term responsibilty of raising another child.

And a way to give the gift of life to someone who cannot otherwise have a child of thier own. For me, it was just the perfect solution. So within the next couple of days I started making some phone calls…..