Alert GuestWomb.com reader Micah spotted this above-the-fold story in today’s New York Times:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/13/us/13surrogacy.html
Basically, it’s a series of surrogacy horror stories. And the victims are ultimately the children created in these flawed pairings of IP and surrogate.
The articles depicts the stories of three surrogacy arrangements – two that seemed fine at the beginning and then devolved. And another that was just wrong from the word go. I’ll let you read the article yourself and read these very sad stories.
(I take issue with the tone of it, insinuating that babies can be to simply ‘ordered up’ as if they’re an item on a menu. Take a look at the comments from others like us who are living in this world who rip the author.)
There’s a lot of blame to go around in these tales of woe. Begining with vague and inconsistent state laws dealing with surrogacy contracts. The real villains here in my mind are the doctors, lawyers and less-than-qualified surrogacy match makers who fail to adequately do their jobs of vetting each party.
And some blame goes to the intended parents themselves. In their emotion-filled rush to simply have babies at any cost they failed to think things through.
With all the factors in play, it was as if these surrogacies were doomed to fail.
Just like every other action you take this day, there’s a right way to do things, and plenty of wrong ways. I’ve documented before how our IPs have done everything right in preparing and executing this surrogacy, and this story just reinforces it. They chose highly regarded agency — Melissa Brissman — to find us. We were painstakingly vetted in every way so that all parties felt confident in each other.
It was all about minimizing the risk of this arrangement. Together with our IPs, we took every step to make sure this journey would stay on the path. There is just too much at stake to do anything less. Especially for this new little life!
When I read in the article that only 750 surrogacy arrangements are made in the US every year, and that some of them go tragically wrong as described in the story, it makes me feel very fortunate to know our surrogacy was ‘done right’.
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Sunday, December 13, 2009 at 9:06 pm
I totally agree. Drama sells though…..unfortunately we are the ones left to unbrainwash the general public after reading shit like this.
Sigh
Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 7:44 pm
Thanks for the comment Steven! I’m glad to hear that your arrangement is working as planned. It was very dismaying to read such a negative portrayal of surrogacy when so many families have a positive outcome.
Thursday, December 17, 2009 at 5:28 pm
Thank you for the comment that you left on my blog. Without it, I might have never found my way to your wonderful blog. I don’t think I’ve EVER seen a blog (or ANY input at all) directly from the husband of a gestational surrogate. I am absolutely thrilled that you are writing about your experience, and even happier to know that you are an equal partner in the surrogacy relationship with your IPs. I know of many other surrogate’s husbands who are terribly hands-off, which really is a shame because it’s such a wonderful experience to be a part of. Your wife and I – we’re quite lucky to have husbands who who are every bit as supportive and interested in our surrogacy pregnancies as they were during the pregnancies of our own children. My husband Frank isn’t the writin’ type, but if he were he would chronicle our journeys with same humor and devotion as you.
I’m definitely hooked, and I most certainly will be reading along.